Because they are changing in so many ways, teenagers often conflict with their parents. Many parents have difficulty in coping with this and are uncertain about how to respond. The person that was once a dependent baby and child is now becoming an adult, with their own opinions and a need for more independence.

For parents undergoing difficulties during this period, perhaps, this is the time to reflect upon one’s own adolescence and how perhaps you might wish to change things for your child, taking into account how you were treated and would have liked to have been treated at this time by our own parents.

At all costs avoid ‘throwing fuel on the fire’ during heated discussions and avoid confrontations. Remember with teenagers hormonal changes can make emotional control more difficult. So try to remain the adult and not regress to childhood by losing control of your own emotions.

A step back and some objective observations could be really rewarding if you are not to allow a heated discussion to descend into whose right or whose wrong arguement which goes nowhere.

Someone outside your immediate family can often provide good support.

ABOUT REMAINING RELAXED

For many parents this may be the right time to make a change in your own life. A time to engage in some tried and trusted techniques for relaxation something that will change the way that you feel and relate to others and the way that others will relate to you.

Breath control is simple immediate and highly effective, if you can remember to do it when you are being put under stress.

Although you may not have given it much thought, you are probably well aware that your respiration fluctuates quite widely, depending on your emotional state of mind.
For example, anger will agitate your respiration, while with fear it initially ceases and then becomes fast and shallow, and with concentration the respiration rate slows and becomes more rhythmic.

Rather than letting your state of mind influence the rhythm of your respiration, you can change now and from this moment on use the rhythm of your respiration to influence your state of mind.

The immediate goal is to make your respiration first rhythmical and then effortless and unconscious. For those who practise this technique you will find that external pressures will no longer disorganise your thinking.

To begin with, remember that if you want to relax during conflict and not get agitated or drawn further into it, you must focus on breathing out.

You let your belly draw in from below your navel, as you quietly exhale and then release it on your inhalation. If you repeat this two or three times you will feel your body relaxing.

This is called natural or abdominal breathing. It is the way we breathe when we are at our most relaxed. If you observe your breathing rythm just before you drift into a relaxed nights sleep you will find yourself breathing from this spot, just below your navel.

This is home, the place where we are conceived and carried by our mothers and the most relaxed and peaceful place within once you are able to find and remain in touch with it.

Breathe in for action and out for relaxation and the more you work with your exhalation the easier you will make it for you to remain relaxed.

You cannot become stressed if you breathe with your tummy. Stress demands that you breathe with your chest and hold your belly tight, relaxation comes when you change this and start to breathe with your belly.

Relaxation is associated with physical ease and well-being. It has a highly beneficial effect upon the nervous system, releasing it from undue stress and developing a feeling of mental tranquility.

Individuals who maintain their sense of relaxation exude confidence and ease in movement. Their posture and general physical well-being improve together with their ability to focus an unhampered mind.

EASE AND DIS-EASE

The opposite of a relaxed state is one of tension, a state of body and mind associated with anxious, fearful, bigoted and angry personalities who suffer more with mental preoccupations and the kind of physiological strains that can give rise to serious physical and mental disorders.

Stress is responsible for most criminal acts, accidents and Western dis-ease.

Look around you, our prisons are full of stressed out criminal personalities who suffer from attention deficit disorders, paranoia and self delusion. Observe the characters self medicated with alcohol and street drugs who have little or no control over their moods and emotions.

Alternatively cultivate your natural breathing rhythm and you cultivate your body's ability to withstand stress and maintain its energies to resist dis-ease. Alternatively cultivate your natural breathing rhythm and you will preserve your health and an ongoing and accumulative general sense of well-being that makes you feel good from the inside
Ease is the sense of relief that you feel when you let go, when you release your muscles from unnecessary tension. This sense of relaxation assists your body to conserve its energies and use the minimum of effort necessary to adopt any posture or movement.

Look at any healthy newborn child and you will see that his/her lower chest and belly work in harmony, expanding together on the inhalation and contracting together on the exhalation.

This natural breathing rhythm is even and descends deeply into the abdomen.

In contrast, if you observe someone who is dying you will see that they breathe rapidly with the upper chest, the breathing getting more rapid as it gets more shallow.
To regain your natural breathing rhythm instantly, lay on your tummy with your arms extended and your head resting on your forearms. (This is an easy way to get to sleep if you suffer from insomnia).

Now try to maintain breathing with your tummy when you are sitting, standing and walking. All it takes is a little practice.

YOUR HEALTH AND NATURAL BREATHING

For good health the belly should be relaxed on the inhalation, allowing the diaphragm to descend deeply into the abdomen. This both increases the volume of air taken into and expelled from the lungs and soothes the belly by gently compressing and releasing the abdominal organs.

Abdominal or natural breathing therefore reduces the breathing rate and consequently the effort and wear and tear on the lungs. What is more, a healthy resting adult takes about 10 breaths a minute. If he is breathing abdominally he creates an internal massage for the belly some 15,000 times every 24 hours.

Maintaining and improving your sense of relaxation will help you to increase and harness the power of your body. Not only does relaxation ease the movement of your body in a mechanical sense, allowing freer movement of the bones. The period of relaxation before activity also allows your muscles to be nourished with their vital ingredients for energy.

To maintain and improve your state of relaxation the regular practice of the following simple relaxation technique should be of great help. It will keep you aware of the state of your muscles by improving your ability to recognise when they are relaxed and when they are contracted.

With regular practice of this technique you will vastly improve your ability to retain a positive sense of relaxation in action, and deepen your body's sense of relaxation when it is resting.

Ten Minute Relaxation Technique

Make sure your room is warm and airy and that you have 10 minutes of uninterrupted time.

First to ensure that you are breathing naturally with your belly, lie on your tummy with your arms extended and your head resting on your forearms.

Once you have your tummy relaxed;

•  Lie on your back with your knees raised, push from the back of your head, feet and elbows and lift your shoulders and pelvis from the floor.
• Pull your shoulder blades together and your shoulders downwards.
•  Slowly unroll your spine so that you straighten its curves and you can feel each vertebrae where it touches the floor. Straighten your legs and let your feet open, and relax your arms, palms upwards, at the sides of your body.
•  Without moving your body, clench your fists and press your elbows into the floor, contracting the muscles of your arms and shoulders. Hold for a few seconds, then relax; repeat and relax.
•  Tighten your buttocks and leg muscles and curl your toes. Hold for a few seconds, then relax; repeat and relax.
•  Now let gravity centre you.
•  Feel the weight of your head against the floor. Relax your eyes, mouth and jaw.
•  Feel the weight of your shoulders, arms and hands against the floor. Relax your shoulders.
•  Feel the weight of your upper back and chest. Feel the base of your spine, the weight of your pelvis and lower back. Relax your abdomen.
•  Feel the weight of your legs and feet. Relax your face, shoulders and belly. Wherever your body is in touch with the floor, relax and let gravity centre you.
•  Now feel the warmth of your body. Feel the warmth of your toes, the warmth in the arches of your feet and the warmth of your heels and ankles.
•  Feel the weight and warmth of your feet. Feel the warmth of your lower legs, the warmth of your knees, the warmth of your thighs.
•  Relax and feel the weight and warmth of your legs and feet. Feel the warmth of your genitals, the warmth of your belly, the warmth of your lower back. Relax and feel the weight and warmth of your body from your waist down.
•  Feel the warmth of your back, the warmth of your chest, the warmth of your shoulders, arms, hands and fingers. Relax your shoulders and belly and feel the weight and warmth of your body from your shoulders down.
•  Feel the warmth of your neck and throat, the warmth of your jaw, your lips, your mouth. Feel the warmth of your cheeks, ears, nostrils, and the warmth of your eyes.
   Feel the warmth of your brow, and the warmth at the crown of your head.
•  Relax your face, shoulders and belly and feel the weight and warmth of your body from the crown of your head to the tips of your fingers and toes.

Natural Breathing

The quickest and the easiest way to permanently regain your natural breathing rhythm is to practise the relaxation technique described above and then, while relaxed, focus your attention on the area around your navel and feel it from within.

Gently draw your abdomen in with each exhalation, as though you were softly pushing the air out of your belly.

Relax your abdomen with every inhalation. In this way you will soon establish harmony between your chest and belly as they expand and contract together.

Try to use this technique for a few minutes at the end of every relaxation session. And remind yourself at all other times especially during moments of anger and anxiety.

A WHOLE NEW WAY OF CARING FOR EACH OTHER

Massage and manipulation have been in use for thousands of years and come recommended by generations of people from all parts of the world.

Easy manipulations can be performed with the assistance of a partner who uses accurate leverage and body weight as a gentle yet effective force, sometimes combined with massage to restore and improve ease and mobility to aching muscles and stiff joints.

For those who are already practicing stretching routines, here you will find a number of massage and manipulation techniques which you and a partner can perform together. These techniques present an ideal opportunity to learn how to give and receive two effective forms of elementary physical therapy that can be applied to any major part of the body.

They form a basic pattern from which you can develop an individual approach based on accurate guidance, intuition and regular practice.
You will find that these techniques penetrate deeply into the body's muscles and joints. They can be used to further the benefits of relaxation and overcome pain and resistance to movement.

Remember when stretching, massaging or manipulating your partner that you are there to assist, not to punish! Do not push against your partner's resistance with any extreme force; always apply only varying degrees of your relaxed pressure or bodyweight.

For the best results take directions from your partner, applying pressure slowly and evenly with their consent. Whether massaging or manipulating someone or being massaged or manipulated yourself, always adopt the most comfortable position and stay relaxed using a natural breathing rhythm.

Try to breathe in unison with your partner, applying pressure or weight as you exhale. To overcome any initial discomfort, maintain your positions for two or three breaths.
Through these techniques you can slowly gain an awareness of your own body and begin to move in ways that you had long forgotten, or maybe have never even experienced.

However, you will only get from this programme what you put into it, and a certain amount of discomfort is to be expected at first. The proper breathing rhythm will help you to cope with this discomfort and it will gradually lessen if your sessions remain consistent.

Do not allow your partner to push you too quickly or too forcefully, however, and allow enough time between your sessions for you to recover— but not so long that you lose your impetus for practice.

These should not be practiced if you have pain or physical injury.

Head and neck

The following exercises improve the flexibility of the neck and head, and relieve muscle tension in the neck and shoulders. If your partner is the one to be massaged and manipulated, they should be lying on their back with their shoulder blades pulled together and their chest and shoulders open.

Their legs and feet should be open and relaxed, with their attention focused on natural breathing.

Movement 1

Sit comfortably behind your partner and spread your hands to hold both sides of the back of the head.

Slowly and firmly lift and push the head forward, pushing the head towards the breastbone. Maintain the position easily by anchoring your elbows against your abdomen. Relax and breathe and hold for a minute or two.

This exercise particularly stretches and relaxes the muscles of the upper back and neck and makes it easier to massage them on return to the starting position.

Movement 2

Your partner should keep their chin slightly tucked in and take their left ear to the left shoulder, leaving their right shoulder free to move.

Using both hands on the side of the head, push their head against the shoulder, slowly but firmly. Your partner should now relax and breathe and hold for a minute or two.

Repeat for both sides again massaging each side upon return to the starting position.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the muscles at the sides of the neck and shoulders.

Movement 3

Your partner should now centre their head and tuck their chin in.

Place your right hand above their left ear; cross your arms and place your left hand above their right ear. Now rotate the head and when your partner indicates its limit, relax and hold the position for about half a minute or so. Repeat the exercise for the other side of the neck and then massage both sides of the neck together. This exercise stretches and relaxes the side neck muscles that rotate the head.

Movement 4

Your partner takes their legs and feet over their head and straightens them on to the floor or, if this is uncomfortable, on to a chair.

Sit behind your partner, interlock their hands and press the elbows to the floor. Relax and hold for a minute or two. Gently massage their upper back.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the major muscles that lift the head and trunk upright.

Shoulders and Spine

The following exercises improve the flexibility of the spine and shoulders and relieve muscle tension in the abdomen, chest and back.

Movement 5

Your partner should now unroll slowly and lie comfortably on their back, pulling their shoulder blades together and focus on natural breathing.

Keeping your partner's back straight, slowly but firmly press their elbows to the floor, keeping them close to the sides of the head, and pulling them away from the shoulders. Relax and hold the position for a minute or two.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the upper chest and shoulder muscles.

Movement 6

Bring your partner's arms in line with their shoulders and make right angles with their forearms. Slowly but firmly press the forearms to the floor. Relax and hold the position for a minute or two.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the shoulders.

Movement 7

Your partner should sit on or between their feet with their arms in line with their shoulders, elbows straight, hands and forehead resting against a wall. They should relax and focus on natural breathing.

Using your relaxed body weight, with one hand on each side of the spine, push forwards and slightly downwards. Hold and massage for about a minute, slowly work down to the lower back, repeating these movements.

Movement 8

Your partner should be resting on their hands and knees. Keeping their upper and lower legs at right angles, they should extend their arms in line with their shoulders and rest their forehead on the floor. They should then relax and focus on natural breathing.

With your hands on each side of the spine, lean your relaxed weight forward and massage from the lower back to the shoulders while pushing and holding for about a minute each time.

These exercises open the chest and stretch and relax the arms,shoulders and abdominal muscles.

Movement 9

Your partner should sit back on their feet and lean forward, resting their trunk on their thighs and interlocking their hands behind their back. They should then relax and focus on their breathing.

Using your relaxed body weight, lift your partner's hands and keeping the elbows straight, slowly but firmly push them gently over their head. Relax and hold the position for about half a minute.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the front of the shoulders.

Movement 10

Your partner should be lying on their back with their hands interlocked behind their head. They should lift their legs, interlock their right leg around their left and twist to their left from the waist down. They then relax and focus on their breathing.

Standing or kneeling comfortably, place your left foot on your partner's right elbow and push the elbow slowly but firmly directly downwards (not away from the body) to the floor. With your left hand on the back of your partner's hips and your right hand on the knee, rotate the hip, pushing the hip and knee slowly but firmly towards the floor. Massage the lower back

Your partner now relaxes and holds the position for a minute or two. Repeat for the other side.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the front of the shoulders, lower back and side abdominal muscles.

Movement 11

The following exercise is advanced and should only be practised if it can be performed comfortably.

It both strengthens and vastly improves the flexibility of the spine.

Your partner should be lying on their back with their knees bent and now tightening their buttocks and lower back muscles, they lift their pelvis and place their hands, palms down, over their head.

Standing over your partner, place your hands under your partner’s arms and over the backs of their shoulders. Now lift your partner and help them to straighten their arms and form a bridge.

If comfortable, slide your hands on to your partner's shoulder blades and gently pull the upper chest forwards as you massage the upper back.
Hold for as long as is comfortable.

Hips, legs and pelvic floor

Your partner should sit upright, holding their feet, with their knees open. They should then relax and focus on natural breathing.

Sitting comfortably, place your feet one above the other on the base of your partner's spine, push firmly and hold for a minute or two. Massage gently with your feet.

Movement 13

Now squatting or standing in front of your partner, hold the forearms and lean back, pulling your partner slowly forward. Hold this position for about half a minute.

Movement 14

Your partner should lie with their buttocks against the wall, their feet together and their knees open. They should relax and focus on natural breathing.

Using your relaxed body weight, place your hands on your partner's knees and push them slowly and firmly downwards and outwards. Hold for a minute or two.

Movement 15

Your partner should crouch on their hands and knees, open their knees as wide as they can, lean on to their elbows and push their trunk back towards their feet. They then rest their forehead on the floor and focus on their breathing.

Place your hands on your partner's hips and push them slowly backwards and downwards towards the feet. Massage the lower back.

Movement 16

Your partner should lie with their buttocks against the wall, open their knees and place the soles of their feet against the wall. They should then relax and focus on natural breathing.

Place your hands on your partner's knees and gently apply some of your body weight pushing them outwards. Hold for about half a minute or so.

Movement 17

Your partner should lie on their back with their buttocks firmly against a wall, then open their legs and feet as wide as they can. They should then relax and focus on natural breathing.

Take one foot at a time and pull the legs slowly outwards and downwards, making sure that both legs are open equally. Now, leaning backwards, push the knees against the wall with your calves. Hold for a minute or two.

Movement 18

Your partner should sit upright with their legs and feet open, relaxed and focused on their breathing.

Sitting comfortably, place your feet on the base of the spine and push the hips forward gently. Hold for a minute or two. Massage their lower back gently with the soles of your feet.

Movement 19

If these movements are comfortable, your partner should then come forward on to their elbows, and focus on natural breathing. Now using both feet, push your partner forward gently. Hold for a minute or two. Massage their lower back gently with the soles of your feet.

Movements 12 to 19 stretch and relax the pelvic floor and inside thigh muscles.

Movement 20

Your partner should now stand supported by you. Bend one knee and pull the foot towards the buttock, and focus on natural breathing.

Supporting your partner from the chest with one hand, turn the instep of the foot towards the buttock and press the foot gently into the buttock. Hold for about a minute and repeat the other side.

Movement 21

If these exercises are comfortable, your partner should now sit between their feet, with both feet turned inwards. They should then lie back on to their elbows or, if comfortable, on to the floor, relax and focus on natural breathing.

Stand over your partner and push their hips to the floor. Massage the front of the thighs.

Hold for as long as comfortable. Movements 20 and 21 stretch and relax the front of the thighs and lower legs.

Movement 22

Your partner should stand and lean forward on to the palms of their hands. They should then focus on natural breathing.

Place your front thigh firmly against your partner's upper back and push the trunk towards the legs, using your body weight. Hold for about a minute.
Massage the lower back.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the calf muscles.

Movement 23

Your partner should lean forward with their arms and shoulders relaxed. They should then focus on natural breathing.

You should now press downwards slowly and firmly on their hips. Hold for a minute or two. Massage the lower back.

This exercise stretches and relaxes the back thighs or hamstring muscles.

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